Between client projects, the start of the school year, the ramping up of a number of community commitments, and a calendar full of meetings (oh, the meetings!) I haven’t had much time to pause, reflect, and write.
Yet I still carve out time to read. Most recently, I finished Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering: How we Meet and Why it Matters, which several friends had recommended.
Simply put, the book has transformed how I go about bringing people together—whether it’s a bunch of friends, a political advocacy group, a nonprofit board, or a strategic planning retreat.
Parker, an experienced facilitator, founder of Thrive Labs, and expert in the field of conflict resolution, offers a dramatically different guide to planning gatherings: one focused less on logistics and to-do lists, and more on the people and purpose of coming together.
I happened to be leading several meetings around the time I was reading the book, so I decided to experiment with some of the approaches Parker recommends. Here are just a few examples:
Recommendation #1: Decide why you’re really gathering
When it comes to meetings—particularly standing monthly meetings—I often spend so much time trying to determine what we need to cover that I lose sight of the true reasons for coming together. So when I was planning the annual retreat of the nonprofit board I chair—and feeling, frankly, overwhelmed by all the ground we had to cover—I decided to step away from the crowded agenda and reflect on why we were holding a retreat in the first place.
I realized that the most important thing we could do that day was integrate the new board members into the existing community. Once I defined the true purpose of the retreat, the rest of the agenda quickly came together. I paired old and new board members together, and then led the board through a series of activities based on various board responsibilities. Returning members explained board practices and strategic goals to new members, who in turn had the opportunity to ask questions and provide new ideas and insights. In the end, our board members weren’t simply informed: they were engaged and accountable to one another for the work we have ahead.
Recommendation #2: Never start a funeral with logistics
Before reading this book, I often started my meetings with basic housekeeping: reviewing the agenda, pointing out the restroom locations, etc. But as Parker notes, the first moments of a gathering are critical for setting the tone and reinforcing the event’s purpose. (She tells a story about attending a memorial service in which the minister’s first statement was to provide parking information for the reception, immediately shifting the mood and energy of those assembled.)
Rather than kill the initial excitement with logistics, Parker recommends a “cold start,” jumping directly into an activity that reminds people just why they showed up in the first place.
I’ve found that one of the easiest ways to do this is with a question that prompts a personal story, “describe a moment where you saw this organization at its best,” or “tell us about an experience that ultimately led you to participate in this gathering today.”
Recommendation #3: Be aware of how the room setup will affect your guests’ behavior
I had always taken pride in my ability to facilitate a meeting in any venue—that is, as long as I had a laptop hookup where I could display my slide deck. But lately, I’ve been moving away from relying on slides—especially for community meetings—because they tend to prompt a set of quite formalized behaviors. I’m sensitive to those who prefer to process information visually or have hearing loss, so I still like to offer a paper handout. But I’m now trying to be selective and intentional about using PowerPoint, rather than simply defaulting to it.
Final thoughts
Whether you’re running your weekly team check-in or planning a multi-day conference, Parker’s The Art of Gathering offers clear guidance for ensuring that, in your efforts to get work done, you remain ever connected to the humans in the room and the mission of your gathering.
And whether you need someone to facilitate a retreat, or simply some ideas for how to have more purposeful, human-centered meetings, I’m here to help.
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